Warning: This is a long post :)
My mom had already come down a week earlier, and we were both super frustrated with this verdict. I shouldn't be able to talk? Isn't that too late to go to the hospital? Isn't that the point when you should already BE at the hospital?
So the week went on, and I continued to get sporadic contractions, but I could always talk and even walk through them, so we just continued to play Nertz and Yathzee and waited as patiently as possible for little Pumpkin Peters to arrive.
October 29th I was DONE waiting. It wasn't that I was uncomfortable or tired or any physical angst that had me done. This period of waiting was making me crazy. I just wanted to move on to the next season of our lives. I wanted to meet our precious bundle of joy. Waiting has never been my strong suit, so it didn't matter how "easy" waiting was - I didn't want to do it. I decided I needed to do SOMETHING to make this waiting end (because obviously if I can give myself the illusion of control, then I would feel better).
We had already been walking 4-6 miles every day. I had eaten spicy food - well as spicy as I could handle. So now it was time to try something new. Did you know that on breast pumps, there's a warning that says not to use prior to delivery because it can induce labor? Well, I decided to take that as a guideline. Guess who went into labor 5 hours later?
October 30th 3 AM I couldn't sleep. The pain was different. It felt like everything from my bottom ribs to my hips was being squeezed in an attempt to make it disappear. This was happening 5, 6, 7, then 11, 6, 5, 7 minutes apart, and they all lasted a minute. I laid in bed, heart pounding, for two hours before waking Daniel and my mom. Was this finally it? Was my baby's arrival finally here? Was the waiting finally over?
October 30th 5 AM I called the nurse and told her my contractions were averaging 7 minutes apart. She told me to take a bath in hot water. Taking a bath would help the contractions be the same amount of time apart, or they would become further apart, or they would stay the same (what other options there were for what the contractions would do, I don't know). So I took a bath. The contractions didn't change, so I called back.
October 30th 6 AM She said if I was actually in labor, my contractions would be 10 minutes apart for an hour. Then, they would be 7 minutes apart for an hour. Then, they would be 5 minutes apart for an hour. THEN, I could come into the hospital. She told me if the contractions didn't change by the time the OBGYN opened to call and see if someone could see me.
October 30th 8 AM The contractions had spaced out to 10, 12, 14, 10 minutes apart, so Daniel went to work, and I assumed I wasn't in labor.
At this point, I was exhausted so I laid down for 2 hours, waking up every 10-20 minutes with a minute long contraction. My mom and I continued to play games and watch Desperate Housewives, still keeping track of these contractions that were never more than 20 minutes apart.
October 30th 11 PM Suddenly, the contractions were taking my breath away, and they were 3 and a half minutes apart. My mom insisted that I call the nurse, but I was convinced these still weren't real, so I took a bath. After 30 minutes in the hot water, they were still exactly 3 and a half minutes apart, so I called the nurse.
She told me she wanted me to come to the hospital immediately. On the drive over to the hospital, I began to panic slightly. After crying because I realized our baby would be born on Halloween (I don't know why I was so upset about that, but I was), I kept repeating "we should've gone sooner."
October 31st 12:45 AM We pulled into the hospital, and they took me up to triage.
Although I was certainly having to breathe through the contractions, I felt relatively calm once we were in the care of the nurses. At least we were in the hospital. She would tell me this wasn't real labor, and I would go home to wait for the induction scheduled for November 5th. She took all my vitals and the baby's heart rate, and she said although I had a slightly elevated blood pressure that all was well, but she would still check my dilation.
NOW, for those of you who don't know, labor is basically 3 stages. 0-5 centimeters is early labor. 6-9 is active labor. 10 is delivery. My mom always delivered within an hour once she hit 5 centimeters. I was 6 centimeters dilated. The doctor came into triage after that and told me that I could receive IV drugs up to 7 centimeters (not a lot of time to decide), but I could receive the epidural as long as I wasn't pushing, and I could sit still for it.
October 31st 1:30 AM I was in shock. I was actually in labor this time! Our baby was coming today! We got to the labor and delivery room to wait.
October 31st 3 AM The nurse said I was 8 centimeters dilated, too late for IV drugs. I was ok though. I could do this. I was a little nervous about the requirement to sit still for the epidural - not that I was going to get one. No one told me that you get the shakes when you're in labor. At one point, they were making Daniel pretty nervous, saying it looked like I was having a seizure.
October 31st 5 AM The nurse said we were going to try a few different labor positions to speed along the process. I remember thinking that this was already happening pretty fast. I hadn't thought I was in labor until 6 hours ago, and it was already almost over. The first position she had me try was fine. I inhaled and exhaled to the mantra: I am strong. Inhale. I can do this. Exhale. I am strong. Inhale. I can do this. Exhale. Then, she turned me on my side, and everything changed.
She had placed a peanut-shaped exercise ball between my knees and pain radiated through my hips as I could feel my body widening. The mantra was not working. I was suddenly struck with the fear that I couldn't actually do this. I was weak not strong. I clutched the rail of the bed and was shaking so much the bed was shaking with me. Then, I started throwing up. I was panicking. If this is what I felt like now, what was pushing going to feel like? How much longer could I really do this? What if I freaked out so much that I caused complications? Or just flat out died? I kept saying "I don't want to do this anymore" (which now makes me laugh). I started thinking about that epidural and why I hadn't wanted it. There were 3 reasons I didn't want the epidural:
1) I didn't want to slow down labor (but now I was almost done right?)
2) I was freaked out about not being able to feel my legs (I would have been happy not to feel any part of my body at this point)
3) Pride (THAT was a stupid reason)
So I requested the epidural, and the nurse let me move back into a less painful position and pumped the necessary fluids in me. It would take 40 minutes. I just had to make it through 40 more minutes.
October 31st 6 AM As the time crept past, I continued to be in pain, but I was calmer. When the anesthesiologist came in, he had me sit on the edge of the bed, and the contractions suddenly felt lower. I kept telling here "They're different. They're different." What if I had waited too long for the epidural? The nurse decided to check me in case it was time to push. I was 9 centimeters. It wasn't too late yet, but it was now or never for the epidural. I got back in position, and the anesthesiologist said "This may hurt." I don't know if I laughed out loud or not, but I thought that was hilarious. There was no way a needle in my back could hurt more than what I was experiencing right now.
October 31st 7 AM It would take another 40 minutes for the epidural to kick in, and man did I feel better after that! Sure I couldn't move my left leg (I could move my right almost the whole time even though I didn't have feeling in it), but I was calm again. Daniel commented at one time that I seemed like a whole new person...naturally because I wasn't in excruciating pain. The doctor came in and said I was 10 centimeters and descending. They were getting ready to change shifts, and the new doctor would come see me soon because the baby would be coming soon. Somehow it was almost time, but it didn't feel real. I wasn't about to have a baby. This wasn't actually happening right now was it?
October 31st 9:45 AM I still hadn't met the new doctor, and the nurses all came in. "It's time to have a baby" they told me. I couldn't believe it. Were they sure? No one had even checked me. How did labor even work if I couldn't feel anything? Where was the doctor? They assured me pushing could take 2 hours, and the doctor would be here soon. They had me get into a crunch position and start pushing. The doctor came in after the first push. After the second push, they had me feel the baby's head. Two pushes later, the doctor said to reach down and take my baby by the shoulders and pull her onto my belly.
October 31st 10:29 AM Just like that, Diana Maria Peters was here, screaming, picking up her head, here. I couldn't stop crying. She was so familiar and so strange at the same time. She was beautiful and frightening. Six pounds eleven ounces and nineteen inches long. She was here. The waiting was finally over.
This moment I had waited so long for happened so fast. Now that she's been here for a full month, and advent is right around the corner, I can't help but realize that this whole experience was like an advent for me. I'm also struck by how quickly the time has passed. How often do we live our lives waiting for the next thing to happen and when "the next thing" finally does, it seems to pass quickly and suddenly we're surprised to be in a new stage of life? The now is not something to take lightly or take advantage of. One day, Christ will arrive, and we must not be drowsy in the meantime. During this advent (both seasonally and our time on earth), we must embrace the present and live our lives fully appreciating the now because soon the moment will pass, and there will be a new moment, a new season, a new reality God is asking us to appreciate.
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