On Monday, Daniel and I went to a lecture in Durham given by Clinical Psychologist Dr. Jordan B. Peterson. Grateful that I had agreed to drive 2+ hours on a weeknight to go with him, Daniel turned the whole evening into a date. He found a wonderful brewery and burgers place in downtown Durham for dinner. (They had some of the BEST homemade icecream I've ever had). Then, we walked around the American Tobacco Campus before the event started in the DPAC. It was really neat to be in another city - especially one that had so much brick architecture to look at.
I think one of the things that made the date special was the fact that we were able to intellectually engage in something complex. Now that college is over, lectures and intellectual events simply aren't at the top of our to do list anymore. Going to this lecture brought up a lot of really interesting topics to discuss - especially since it seemed the majority of Dr. Peterson's lecture was about child development and literature. (It's like he knew I was going to be there).
There were a few things in particular that really stirred up conversation between us.
One of the things that Daniel and I agree was the most interesting was when Dr. Peterson discussed the destructive consequences of punishing someone for their virtues. For example, he discussed how there are young men who go to college with the ambition to work hard and contribute their talents to the world, yet they are often implicitly told at these institutions or by their classmates that if they succeed in doing so, they are complicit in the tyrannical patriarchy. So ambition and a strong work ethic - which are normally positive traits - are suddenly undesirable because they would place the person in a position of oppression or marginalization of someone else.
I thought that was really interesting to put in the context of relationships with people in our family as well as Daniel and my situation. We got married and are having a baby before 25. People who criticize with words like "Are you sure you want to commit to someone for the rest of your life? You're only 23" are doing this very thing that Dr. Peterson discusses. Commitment is a positive trait, yet in this person's criticism, it sounds like a negative thing. "Are you sure you want to be responsible for a child at your age?" Again, responsibility - a positive trait - is viewed here as irrational. I'd never given too much thought to what this kind of comment can do psychologically. Just goes to show the importance of how we phrase things both syntactically and with our word choice. Your words should match your meaning. ;)
Another thing I thought was fascinating was the way Dr. Peterson connected pretend play to the entertainment industry - especially literature. He talked about how we watch people's behavior around us and then abstractly create scenarios to learn what is acceptable or probable behavior given those scenarios. He specifically broke down relatable literature and entertainment to having 6 main components.
1 & 2) A benevolent vs malicious depiction of order (often a male role).
3 & 4) A positive experience of chaos/nature (experiencing new things, change etc.) vs destructive nature/chaos (often a female role).
5 & 6) An internal struggle of the hero/antihero between what is good and what is evil.
I had never viewed stories this way as an external balance of order and chaos alongside the internal balance of good and evil. It was really fascinating to look at my own fictional writing through that lens.
There was so much more he talked about, but those were the two topics that stirred the most conversation on our drive back to Charlotte. It's funny because Daniel kept thanking me for coming with him to the lecture, but all I kept thinking was how grateful I was that he had orchestrated the whole thing.
Of course, just because God is who God is, as we walked through the parking garage, mutually thanking each other for the time together, "We Belong Together" by Mariah Carey came on. I couldn't help but stop when I realized it was playing and just stared at him. That's been our song since 2012, and I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming surge of love and appreciation for the journey we've been able to embark on together so far as well as the future laid out before us by the grace of God. It's funny how this little reminder of our early time together as eager students made me appreciate where we are now - both as a couple and as individuals - even more.
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