It's not always easy to get along with people. Sometimes people just get under our skin, and we have to decide how we're going to deal with that. My inclination is often passive aggressive: not talking to them and the like. I don't know how it is for you, but for me it's often some of the people I'm closest to - or wish that I was closest to - that irritate me the most often.
One day I was particularly irked, and I went to daily Mass in the chapel that day. I find it's particularly difficult to focus on Mass when you have things eating at the back of your mind, and today was one of those days. I was sitting in Mass steaming over all the little petty things that had happened in the past week or so that had put me at the end of my rope: all those "I can't even" moments. As He always does, God got my attention.
I tried. Believe me I did. Every time I was thinking about how irked I was, I looked at the Crucifix and reminded myself where I was and what I was witnessing. That didn't stop my weak self from returning to my own thoughts, but I did try.
By the time the homily rolled around, I had been fighting to focus for a solid 20 minutes or so. The priest began talking about forgiveness, and that reminded me of a homily I heard several months ago. In that homily, the priest was talking about how hard it can be to know that we're loving God. I mean He can't smile at us or hug us the same way a human can.
This of course got me thinking about when people actually could hug God and receive a smile from Him. All of Christ's disciples could directly and physically encounter God's love. As I meditated on that, I realized that among these Apostles was Judas. Christ hugged Judas. He laughed and had inside jokes with him. Christ made memories with him. Christ loved him. Even though he knew what he was going to do, He loved Judas.
That was a really simple and humbling realization. If Christ could love Judas, how could I even hesitate or falter in my love for those around me. Christ and Judas were two TRULY different people. Christ - perfect. Judas - not so much. The difference between me and those in my life? Not that different. We're all sinners. We all make mistakes. With that much at least in common, even our "drastic" differences don't seem so drastic. We're all loved and were created by God. We all are searching for happiness. We all have good moments, and we've all been hurt.
Going back to the homilies, the priest mentioned how it can be hard to know if we're loving God and loving Him well. BUT there is a way to love Him that is easier to recognize. Our love for one another can be an easy indicator of how well we are loving God. By loving one another we are loving God. Yes, sometimes it's hard because we don't always make it easy on one another, and we all have our selfish and proud moments. But if Christ can be so close to Judas and love him - REALLY love him - then we can surely love one another.
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