A Tribute Part 3

Recovery

One of my favorite parts of growing up in my house was a tradition we had with my dad. I don't remember when it started, but my dad would read us a chapter or two from Harry Potter every night. We didn't read it on our own, but we got to experience it with each other and in my dad's voice. Sometimes when I'm rereading the story or watching the movie, I still hear his voice reading the words. I love that.

So for the entirety of the book and movie franchise, it was an amazing bonding experience, and I always treasured any Harry Potter moment with him. I will never forget there was this one line that my dad used as a lesson. At the end of book four, Dumbledore tells Harry "We must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy." I don't remember the exact conversation that followed, or if he mentioned it after reading that part of the book or when we say the movie, but these words have resonated with me since then because they are so true.

That is exactly why I have rewritten this several times. Completely scrapped drafts and started from the beginning.  It would be so easy to sit here and detail all the times I cried and hurt like when the young family of four started sitting in front of us at Mass or found out people I had to see on a regular basis were due right around the same time I should have been. That would be easy. But especially as reactions to my first post rolled in, I remembered that I'm not just writing for me. There are people who pick up my story who were right there beside me every step of the way. There are people who had no idea how to respond or help. There are people who didn't know I went through any of this and are experiencing it for the first time as they read it. There may even be some strangers who stumble across it who don't even know me.

So both for you and for me, I'm not going to get into every single wound and tear in this post. There are certainly some areas that I'll focus on in the following posts, but if this post is about recovery, I want to focus on the things that helped me recover - not the things that made it harder. I want to have a balance of joy and grief, hope and suffering. Even if it's not the easy way to write about my experience, it's the right way to write about it

To My Soul Sisters

On the drive to teach my 75ish 14-year-old children, I tend to say a rosary. I ask Mary to give me the guidance, obedience, grace, patience etc that I will certainly need through the day. I ask her to please please please tip her finger into their souls and bring them some calm, some joy, some understanding, anything that will help them in my class, in their days, in their lives. Needless to say, it's a very important part of my morning.

Even so, occasionally, I get a little distracted by the breakfast I balance on my lap, the other cars zipping by, the coffee fragrance that drifts into the air, and I don't always focus as much as I should. Typically, I fight through it and get as far as I can, and I beg Mary to forgive my human imperfections. On Tuesday morning (Sorrowful Mysteries), it was different. I had nothing really to distract me. I just couldn't focus. Frustrated, I promised to say a rosary on my way home, and I turned on the radio. After flipping through the stations, I landed on Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody," and I'm reminded of Sarah. 

Uh oh...

Irony

Well, here I am a month after my last post to you all.  I've been working like crazy and now have one of the most ironic conditions known to mankind: a cold during summer.  That's right. Congested. Coughing. The whole shebang.  It stinks (not that I can smell anything at all).

It feels like the summer is over already even though I have two months before school starts.  Maybe it's because the days and weeks pass so quickly due to work.  I thought I'd have plenty of stories to tell you all from both jobs, but I find myself having to dig for anything remotely entertaining or interesting to those outside of my day- to-day life.  Perhaps though, I will comment on the day-to-day anyway.

Rainy Day Nostalgia

I can't help but look back on a lazy rainy day like today. School's winding down. I've got great friends to help me through the stress of school and life.  The anticipation for summer builds with each passing hour.  I have a wonderful steady support system back home full of people I love dearly.  I've got steady work coming my way.  I feel like I'm floating on the top of the world unable to do anything except stare at the sky with arms upturned to the God who gave it all to me. Like that day, rain pours down from the heavens today just like His graces always have.

A year ago today, I had no idea I was on my way to a completely changed life.  God was about to rock my world when I thought it couldn't get any better. So there I was, carefully getting my hair done by one of the sweetest girls I knew. My stomach turned with anticipation as I thought of the jam-packed evening my friends and I had planned out.  Aside from my wedding day, I don't think any day could have gone more slowly than that one.  As usual, I was ready too early before it was time to head over to one of my best friend's house with my mom and sister.

Opposites Attract

Walking through the halls of High School in April my senior year, I was all set for summer and going off to college.  I didn't have a care in the world, but little did I know that God would completely change my life in a single night.  Like your typical High School girl, I was ecstatic as prom got closer and closer.  I had to have the perfect dress, the perfect hair, the perfect nails.  It had to be the perfect night, and it ended up being just that.

Two of my best friends and I got ready and took the classic plethora of pictures in front of someone's fireplace.  All dressed up and with our make-up all done up, we drove to our friend's house for dinner-where we took even more pictures.  Once they had exhausted our smiles, we rode off to the dance.  It was senior prom. The decorations were carefully arranged.  The lights set the mood.  The music was blasting.  The people were dancing.  It was truly a night to remember, but not because of the dance. It was most memorable for what happened after.

When You Can't Sleep

I don't know how many of you have this problem, but I have a lot of trouble sleeping. I've tried the therapeutic exercises, the warm milk, the meditating. The whole shebang. Recently, I've been writing in a journal to help clear my mind, so far it's worked pretty well to get my concerns written down. After everything that happened yesterday, I figured writing would do the trick as it has for the past week. But this time, it didn't help.  Rather, it made things worse.

Thunder Storm

We were reading Julius Caesar today and began analyzing how the weather foretold the death of Caesar, a great leader.  Today, the weather was incredibly dreary with awful thunder and lightning, and it didn't make much sense to me because I turned 19 today. Should've been beautiful weather! Right? No. Today, one of my best friends left college, and I hadn't known ahead of time she would be leaving. The weather was a nice way of God acknowledging our grief in a time like this.  Like girl friends, an amazing family, and a wonderful boyfriend can do though, the night still found a way to turn around.  We ended with IHOP and heart to hearts. Gotta love the little graces God puts into our stormy days. <3

True Colors

My three friends and I took a "color" test that defines our personality, and guess what, we're all four different options! It's amazing how God places people together who compliment each other in this way. I look around the room at these friends, and I thank God for our differences.  It's ironic how four people can be so different, yet be able to relate to each other. I think no matter what environment God places us in, we find ourselves in groups like this. The trick is finding ways to communicate and work together for God's will rather than being unable to work together.  I love these girls, and I wouldn't trade them for the world. What's even funnier is looking at how the wedding dresses on pintrest reflect the same temperaments ;)

*Finally found the link for the Color Personality Test from Drexel! I'm Blue what're you?

YOLO

This morning I experienced one of the most luxurious moments of my life.  For the first time in an extremely long time, I slept in without waking up to an alarm. The birds were chirping, the room was warm, and I had never felt more rested. Everyone deserves a glorious morning like that. The rest of the day held wonderful and peaceful experience after another. We played soccer out in the fields, went to an Italian dinner, and went shopping. A stunning pink dress is now in my possession thanks to my amazing friends :) Now onto a black light dance! The right kind of YOLO!

Ides of March

Yes my friends it is that day of the year - the Ides of March (my little sister's birthday).  Naturally, we discussed the assassination of Julius Caesar in Shakespeare's Play Julius Caesar in my English class. For those who are not familiar with the play, Julius is murdered by his best friend and some cronies. At his moment of death, it was not the end of his life that concerned Caesar, but the betrayal of such a friend. This got me thinking about my friends.  Although we've talked a lot about friendship in the past two semesters, it's a key concern among young people (especially women). Friendship eases the stress of self-discovery and growing up. Friends help us get through the rough patches and rejoice through triumphs. Having friends lends us security, serenity and many other gifts. I don't think people place enough value on friendship and what that means, but I suppose that's part of self-discovery and life in general. We all have our highs, our lows, our mistakes, our joys, and it takes time to figure everything out. But that's why a support system through faith, family, and especially friends is imperative as we strive to understand what life is all about. Keep smiling!

Second Glance

The ride back to the Abbey is always a long one, but interesting things always seem to happen.  Six of us crammed into this tiny car and left at 8 in the morning to make the long drive back.  We rotated drivers, and something happened when I was driving that I will never forget. It happened as I took an exit and had to wait at a light. The car filled with chatter because there was a homeless man sitting on the corner by the light, which just so happened to be right next to our car. From my time in New York, DC, and Richmond, I had always avoided interacting with the homeless or approached them with caution. Stranger danger right? It's not smart to just roll down your window and invite a stranger to approach your car - especially if you're a teenage girl. I set my eyes on the light, waiting for it to change as the others in the car read his sign aloud.